100 Words a Day #183

1 Nov

Get into the costume!

I don’t want to.

Why the hell not?! It is Halloween!

Because I am a dog.

What do you mean you’re a dog?  You’re not that bad looking.

No, you idiot! I am an actual dog.  Didn’t you notice the four legs, lot of hair, wet nose?

I didn’t want to say anything.  I thought maybe you had a hormonal problem.

You think hormones did this?  How stupid are you?

Ok, ok.  God.  Still get in this costume.  We can go get candy.

What’s the costume anyway?

Scooby Doo.

You got me a dog costume? Idiot.


100 Words Day #182

22 Oct

I walk into the bank.  It is almost closing time on a Saturday afternoon.  It is pretty packed as a result.  People getting in their last minute banking before Monday.  The line is long.  A manager walks up to me and asks if she can help.  I tell her I’m just looking to make a deposit.  She asks if she can show me how to do it at the ATM.  ‘NOPE!’ is all I say.  I have little interest in that.  I still believe in human interaction.  Bankers should be grateful I do.  Don’t let machines take over the world!


100 Words a Day #181

22 Oct

So what are we gonna do about it?  There are problems with race relations.  Problems with sexual assault.  Problems with misogyny.  There are international problems with Russia, Korea, China, the Middle East.

We have health care issues including childhood obesity, cancer, AIDS, and even the Black Plague.

We are declining in education.  Losing out in tech and science industries.

Our infrastructure is falling apart.  In some places water is not drinkable.

Somehow we have Nazis in this country.

We look at each and point the finger of blame instead of taking responsibility. So what are we gonna do about it?


100 Words a Day #180

20 Oct

Not every guy is a predator.  Not every girl is a slut.

All black people aren’t lazy.  All white people aren’t racists.

All Asians aren’t bad drivers.  Nor are they all good at math.

Not all white/Asian guys have small penises.  Not all black guys are packing.

Why are racial stereotypes out there?  Where’d they come from?  Some are positive, most are negative.  Here’s the thing…  We need to ignore them.  I know people use them because it makes it easier to make a decision about people.

I like watermelon and fried chicken.  And I have a big weiner. 😀


100 Words a Day #179

19 Oct

He reached down to pick the sock up the floor.  He back started to spasm before he even was a 10 percent decline.  ‘Nope, not gonna happen’ he thought.  He went to reach for it with his toes.  He scrunched it up under his big toe and had a good grasp on it.  He made several attempts to throw it up to his hand to no avail.  He finally decided to put the sock on the armrest of the couch.  He was able to grab it from there.  He then realized he couldn’t put it on his foot. GOD DAMMIT!


100 Words a Day #178

18 Oct


Ahead By a Century

Wheat Kings

Grace, Too


New Orleans is Sinking

Blow at High Dough

Nautical Disaster

At the Hundredth Meridian

Little Bones

38 Years Old

Fifty-Mission Cap

Long Time Running

My Music at Work

Fiddler’s Green

The Darkest One

Boots or Hearts

Three Pistols

Twist My Arms


What Blue


Lake Fever

At Transformation

Yer Not The Ocean

Morning Moon

Silver Jet

Gift Shop

Springtime in Vienna

Don’t Wake Daddy

Tiger the Lion


The Bear

The Kids Don’t Get It

She Didn’t Know

Coffee Girl

RIP Gordy.  We love you.  You will be missed.



100 Words a Day #177

17 Oct

Teamwork is defined as ‘the combined action of a group of people, especially when effective and efficient.’  I am thankful that this is true.

I have recently taken over the hosting duties of a monthly talk show.  And while this may not seem like much, it takes up a LOT of time.  We schedule guests, plan bits, work on videos, write jokes, make lists and more.  It is not just about talking to people.

And I have to admit I am a moron.  My technical skills are poor.  Thankfully I have a great team around me to make things work!


100 Words a Day #176

16 Oct

One day that dog is gonna die of sleep.  All it does is lie on the bed, couch, chair and sometimes the floor and sleep.  If it didn’t have to get up to go eat or take a dump it wouldn’t.

The owner was fine with that though.  He liked that the dog was low maintenance.  He liked that he didn’t have to do much.  The dog never wanted to go for walks.  It didn’t jump up on him.  They had a connection that way.

He picked up the dog and put him on the bed for one last nap.

High Angle View Of Dog Sleeping On Folded Towel

100 Words a Day #175

13 Oct

Yesterday I talked about jumping through hoops.  I had to jump through a hoop.  Apparently I did not jump high enough.

I did another audition for a booker (I had passed 2 years ago but they wanted to see me again.)  I got 15 minutes.  I got the crowd laughing.  I got applause breaks.  I felt good about it.

I met with the booker and he told me he did not see the ‘Wow!’ factor so they wouldn’t use me again.  Not terribly constructive.

So I drove home the 5 hours disappointed.  I will not let my failures define me.


100 Words a Day #174

12 Oct

Sometimes you have to jump through one more hoop.  After you jump through that hoop you need to jump through another.  And then one more hoop.

It is all about the pursuit of comedy.  You need to prove to people that you are funny.  That you got ‘the stuff.’

I’m headed down to Columbus, OH today because I am jumping through one more hoop.  There’s a booker there that a buddy is auditioning for.  Just another hoop.  What you did before doesn’t matter.  You just need to do it.

Hopefully he passes the audition and it is one less hoop.