Archive | April, 2017

100 Words a Day #16

30 Apr

What are you good at? (With that sentence I am probably not good with grammar.)  But seriously, what are you good at?  Have you given it much thought?  Do you think about it daily and put things into practice?  Do you think about what you are doing wrong so that you can change those things to make you better?  Do you read about what you can do to get better?  Do you talk to those that do what you want to do to get advice?  These are the things that will make you better.  It is about practice, perform, repeat.


100 Words a Day #15

28 Apr

Summer time is almost here and that means great things will be happening. Concerts, camping, hiking, cookouts, and drive thru movies.  Going to the beach, mowing the lawn, bike rides, car rides and eating ice cream.  Walking the dog, looking at stars, eating hotdogs at baseball games.  Family reunions, picking berries, fireworks, sparklers, catching fireflies and fishing in the river.  Paddleboats, amusement parks and county fairs.  So much fun is had in the summer. So many shared experiences.  So many opportunities to connect with others and make some lasting memories.  Too bad in Michigan summer seemingly never lasts long enough.


100 Words a Day #14

27 Apr

I had one too many last night.  One is one too many.  You pay for it the next day.  I’m paying for it in spades.  How can something be pounding and dull at the same time?  I know this gonna happen but I do it anyway.  In that moment you just don’t care about much if anything at all.  You just aren’t happy and you think maybe this one time it’ll make things feel better.  Sucker…  Nothing is better and things are just worse now.  The day is spent wondering why you did this to yourself.  Where is the Tylenol?


100 Words a Day #13

26 Apr

Today is a big day for me but I really don’t want it to be.  It is the finals of Funniest Person in Grand Rapids.  Just another comedy contest.  Just another opportunity for me to get onstage and do some time.  Ultimately I am not a fan of comedy contests.  There is no definitive way to determine what is funnier.  But in it I go.  I feel the pressure to do well and even win it.  Why?  Because I am the most experienced person in it.  However experience means little in an 8 minute set. Time to let it rip!

Stand up

100 Words A Day #12

25 Apr

There are a lot of these self help quotes out there that attract a lot of attention.  I thought maybe I should try to capitalize on this and make some crazy ones of my own.

Eat your anger before your anger eats you!

If you share a bed, be sure to be the first one up.  You won’t have to make the bed.

Drink like no one is watching.  Eat tacos like everyone is.

Don’t play Frisbee with your dog.  They can’ throw em for shit.

Climbing a mountain is tough.  Falling down is easier but hurts a lot more.


100 Words A Day #11

24 Apr

‘Hey yo! You want some of this?!’ she said.

I turned to look at a 50+ year old woman.  She was dressed in a dirty mini skirt and old ratty tank top.

‘No, I’m good.’ I yell back.

A guy sitting in one of those roundabout scooters shouts ‘You too good for dis?!’

I feel like I am being guilted in getting a prostitute.

‘Uh, no.  It’s just 1 in the afternoon. I gotta get back to work.’

‘Punk ass bitch!’ the disabled pimp yells.  ‘My dick works better than your’s!’

Never thought I’d get arrested for hitting a pimp.


100 Words a Day #11

24 Apr

I’ve been working on some poetry lately.  I know it isn’t Yeats or Plath or Shakespeare or Angelou or Dickinson or Seuss or Frost or Hughes or Wordsworth or Wilde or Tagore or Silverstein or Neruda or Kipling or Shakur or Cummings or Bukowski or Walker or Ali or Longfellow or Poe or Keats or Emerson or Carroll or Twain or Hardy or Sandburg or Pushkin or Hugo or Shelley or Thoreau or Browning or Soto or Teasdale but it is something.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.


I can’t rhyme a fucking thing with orange.



100 Words a Day #10

23 Apr

People walk in and immediately look at the stuff for sale.  You can tell right away what they are thinking; ‘This is too small.  This is too big.  My God, who would want that?!  I could never own that.’  You know this happens every day.  You just want them to take something.  Find what you think will work and go home! Finally they pick something and ask to you to bring it out.  You meet them in room #3 so they can get a closer look.  They eye ball it up and down.  Just adopt the dog and go home.

100 Words a Day #9

21 Apr

I brought my car in to the shop and was talking to Max the owner.  I don’t know a thing about cars but I have trusted Max with my last 3 cars.  As a travelling travel salesman I put a lot of miles on my car in a year.  Max told me my ‘radio fluid’ was low and the ‘backup engine block’ was shaky.  That it would need to get a full overhaul.  I told him I had a sweet deal on a sweet time share in Duluth, MN that I could get him in on. We got each other.


100 Words A Day #8

20 Apr

Things I could be doing other than being on social media-

-Hitting the gym

-Working on my movie script

-Walking my dog

-Watching all Adam Sandler movies on Netflix

-Staring at the wall

-Learning how to make crème brulee

-Writing some jokes

-Wander through a Radio Shack wondering how it is still open

-Karaoke Audioslave’s Doesn’t Remind Me of Anything

-Clean out my flower bed

-Take a drive to the countryside and listen to crickets

-Sew up the hole in my pants

-Think about how the differences between yellow and golden mustards

-Eat a hot dog

-Be social in person