Resolutions for what?!

January is that time of year where you start to dread winter, you begin packing on winter weight, and resolutions are made.  It seems logical that people would make resolutions now.  The whole ‘New Year, New Me’ attitude to have is a good one.

But for me making resolutions aren’t quite the same as most people.  I don’t need to lose weight, stop drinking, hit the gym…  All the regular resolutions people might make.  And good for you if that is what you need to work on.  WORK IT SON!  But for me it has to come down to work.  It has to do with my career.  It has to do with me WORKING IT!

So these are some things that I want to do in 2015.

• Get into a fest that I haven’t done before.
• Finish the children’s book I started.
• Get into 5 different rooms I haven’t worked before.
• Get in with 3 bookers that I haven’t worked with before.
• Get a national credit of some kind (Radio/tv). This is the big one for me.
• Have at least 30 new minute of material. I’m not a Louis CK and can bang out a new hour every year. 30 seems doable.
• Spend 1-2 weeks in NYC.
• Bang 2 waitresses
• Headline one nighters on a consistent basis.
• Continue to work on my podcast and make it more consistent.
• Get a paid writing gig for a website.
• Write monologue jokes to be used for tv.

If I follow these 12 things I figure 2015 could be a solid year for me.  So I will post these things on my fridge as a reminder to me.  Something to hold me accountable to keep working and progressing.  Feel free to ask me how these things are coming along.  It will be a motivator.  If nothing else I can take up smoking and look to quit it in 2016.

Insert computer in mouth….

Welp, I finally did it. I made a critical Facebook error.  I knew I would at some point.  It had to happen because I am an idiot. Some background information here, I have a lot of Facebook friends.  I am usually at the max of 5000 but it changes every now and then.  I like to joke that I know only 6 of them.  A good portion of the people are just acquaintances or people who have seen me at shows.  And this brings me to what I did. 

Coke has this new ad campaign #ShareACoke.  Coke has been putting names on their bottles to get people to buy them.  I like to buy a bottle with a name of a friend on it, drink it all, take a pic of it and post the pic on my friend’s wall and write ‘I ain’t sharing shit!’  It is funny and just a way for me to reconnect with some people.

So I got one with the name ‘David’ on it.  I know a lot of guys named David and Facebook and so I posted the pic on their pages.  Haha! Woooooo! Funny.  A few hours later I get a Facebook message from a woman who is the sister of one of the guys I posted a pic on their wall.  She informed me that he has passed away about a month prior. (I had posted on a dead man’s wall.)  In fact he had a debilitating disease and taken his own life.

Dave was a guy that I don’t think I had ever met.  Maybe he had saw me at a show? He was just a Facebook presence.  He would comment frequently and was very supportive of my silly comedy career.  I had noticed that he hadn’t commented lately.  He was at least good at commenting on my regular ‘Peace be with you’ status on Sundays.

I had no idea that he had been in pain.  No idea that he had been struggling in such a way.  He was just another entity in an online world.  I guess I am glad that I posted the pic and was told of his situation.  It makes me more cognizant of needing to stay connected with people I know.  To check in now and then.  To ask questions.  To be open with communication.  

So go connect people.  And feel free to share a Coke.

 

 

Who am I?

My name is Stu McCallister. I am a comedian. I’m trying to be a better and well known comedian as most people (maybe even you) have no idea who I am. Fame comes from publicity which comes from being in the media. That is key.

I have no tv credits. I have only local radio credits and write ups in the local (Grand Rapids, MI) paper. So I am all about working towards getting that coveted (National) tv spot. There are only so many late night spots, Last Comic Standing opportunities and Comedy Central gigs to be had. And believe me when I say that competition is fierce for these limited spots. So what do I do?

I was recently offered an opportunity to be on a taping of ‘Laughs’, a show that is on Fox Sat nights at 11pm. Currently the show is only in several major markets but with hope it would be available across the nation. The show is 30 minutes of clips of comics doing standup. Similar to shows you would see on Comedy Central and MTv back in the day.

So yeah I am geeked about the opportunity of being on the show. Being on the taping (Sun 8/17 in Detroit) doesn’t mean my act will get on, but cross your fingers! But here is the rub. This show is not union approved. It is not SAG/Aftra sanctioned. Seems the union is asking their members to not do the show.

Comics are wondering what to do, how to proceed. Welp, I am going forth with being on the show. I am not a part of the union and I am not going to let them dictate to me what I can do to help further my career. No one else is promoting my career. I work for me to promote me. I feel that this national exposure can only help.

With any luck I will make the taping, get rich and famous, have people work for me and then become the Mayor of Showbiz. That is how it works right? Or maybe I will fade back in obscurity and do gigs in Schofield, WI. Stay tuned to find out.

You can see a full schedule of my act at http://www.stumccallister.com  Thanks for reading this nonsense.

An open letter to comedians

Dear Colleagues,

Sometimes I feel like a reminder is needed. Something to put us back on track. To make us remember what we are really doing. We are telling jokes. We are telling funny stories. In the process we make people laugh, people have a good time, we smile, we drink, we share… It generally is a great process and we should be thankful for this.

We should be thankful that there are clubs, theaters, colleges, cruise ships that allow us to tell our jokes. We should be thankful for the people who wait tables, sling drinks, and cook meals in these establishments. We should be thankful that people come out and see us perform. We should be thankful that we get to do promotion on tv/radio/print to get people to come in to see shows. We should be thankful that we meals free, drinks free, hotels free. It is a nice perk of the job.

And the reason I say this is because we are just telling jokes. We aren’t curing cancer, we aren’t arresting bad guys, we aren’t teaching children. We say funny things and people PAY us to do that!!! How fantastic and wonderful is that?! We can make a living saying silly things. That is amazing.

So with that being said be gracious. Be generous. Be nice to people. Greet people at the end of shows. Thank them for coming out to see you. Talk with the staff who work the room you are performing in. Just be a decent human being and remember that we get to do something special.

Now carry on and write a good dick joke today.

Love,

Stu

8 (or so) Rules to Headlining a Comedy Show

A friend of mine, Mike Malone, recently wrote a blog on how to be an effective mc.  He had 8 rules for it and it was spot on.  I agreed with it completely.  Go take a look at it for yourself if you want- http://www.malonecomedy.com/blog/10-rules-to-mceeing-a-comedy-show?fb_action_ids=832359956778245&fb_action_types=og.likes

It got me thinking though… Mike mc’s probably as much as I headline.  And that just ain’t that much.  So I figured if he can write a blog about how to be a better mc, I can write one on how to be a better headliner.  So in no particular order here are 8 (or so) rules on how to be a better headliner.

1- Be to the club before show time.  Can you do that fellas?  I know that you go on a good 45 minutes after show time starts but by you being there before showtime it alleviates a lot of heart problems.  And maybe, just maybe, you can learn something about the crowd by watching what the mc and feature do in front of ya.

2- Don’t give the mc an essay to read as your intro.  3 things (TOPS!) is sufficient. Things like Letterman, Bob + Tom, and Comedy Central work.  Hell even the old ‘working clubs and colleges all over’ works.  But if you have the mc read your intro or you have them say what small role you played in some shitty movie that no one ever saw, you are a douchebag.  Credits are for posters.  People are already in the room.  Just make em laugh.

3- Don’t bitch about radio/tv.  I know it sucks.  Trust me I have had to take headliners to do media spots more times than I would care to.  These things are done to help spread the word about YOUR show. It helps the club sell tickets so more people come and see YOU! It really benefits you in the long run.  Take a nap that afternoon.  You were going to anyway.

4- Write some new jokes now and then.  Congrats on becoming a headliner but if you come back to club once a year people are gonna remember what your act was and how little it has changed.  Your career does not end at that 1st hour.

5- And stop using fucking street jokes!!!!  God damn it!!!  You are the fucking headliner! Have some respect.

6- Enough with the musical closers.  I get it, they kill.  Everyone loves em.  However there can be technical difficulties with em and that causes awkwardness.  And you get angry, and we get nervous about hitting the right button at the right cue.  Fuck, they are stupid.  Go to Vegas if you want to sing and dance.

7- There is no need to sell so much merch after a show.  A cd and a t-shirt will suffice.  No need to have a fucking flea market after the show.  Makes you look desperate.  If you have more shit to sell have people go to your website instead.

8- Be nice to the mc.  The mc can be your connection to the town, be your driver, help you get things you need, and is probably your connection to the club.  You don’t need to be dick to him or anyone else.

9- Stick around after the show to thank people for coming out.  It looks good for you and the club.  I have seen some headliners just not to hang out and thank people for coming.  I get how sometimes the show might have been shitty and you feel awkward about standing there.  Tough shit.  That is part of the fucking business.  Thank people for coming.  Being a little gracious looks good on you.

10- No need to bitch about the food or drink specials.  All clubs do things a little differently.  Some places you get all things comped.  Other places you get discounts.  Just relax about it.  And if it really bothered ya that much ya don’t need to ever work the room again.  That simple.

11- Stick to your time.  I know you want the guys in front of you to stick to their time.  You do the same thing.  If you are supposed to do 45, do 45.  You get an hour, do that hour.  No need to do 90 minutes yourself.  You know who likes that?  I can tell you who doesn’t, the waitstaff.  If you go over like that they either have to hustle to turn the room over for the 2nd show or they are just sitting around all god damn night after the 2nd show cause someone has a hard-on and wants to show the crowd what they can do.  I have seen enough headliners kill the room because their ego wouldn’t let them end when they should have. So relax headliner.  No need to blow your load. Just do your time.

That is about it folks.  You follow those simple 11 little rules and you will be that much of a better headliner.  What the fuck do I know?!  I just see it every weekend.

 

Comedy contests = loser?

I’m going down to Indy this coming Wed to be a part of the Trial By Laughter contest.  Yeah, a contest.  Contests in comedy?  Yeah.  Contests in the art world are odd to me.  Art is just subjective.  I guess I am just not smart enough to get how we can put these jokes/painting/song against this other joke/painting/song.  It seems inherently wrong.  But people love themselves some contests as evidenced by shows like Last Comic Standing, American Idol, America’s Got Talent and shows like that.

I don’t believe that comics like doing contests.  You don’t want to have your jokes put up against another comic’s.  You don’t want that added level of stress there.  Hell, just getting people to laugh is stressful enough without worrying if people like your’s more.  If I was competitive I would have been better in basketball.  Sadly I’d rather tell jokes about my balls.  But off I go to do my best…

Do I have any misconceived notions about winning this thing? Absolutely not.  I believe there are 30 comics in this thing and I know the odds are stacked against me.  Hell, I even backed in this thing as I was an alternate that got in because someone else turned it down.  But don’t mistake my understanding of the odds for me not going in trying.  I don’t need to win this thing to maybe work Mortys (the club the contest is being held in) in the future.  Maybe I will get a shot at being on Bob and Tom as Chick McGee is one of the judges.  Maybe another comic hooks me up with some info cause they liked me.  Ya never know.

So my plan is to go in, hit em hard, let the chips fall where they may, and accept whatever happens (cause that is out of my control) and just enjoy the experience.  I fully expect to return home on Thurs but I am packing enough underwear to get me through to Sun.  Cause, hey you never know…  And maybe the judges take bribes.